Types Of People You Meet At Sports Games

Have you ever been to a sporting event? No? Well screw you. These staples in our fine American culture are what makes this nation great. There always seems to be the same types of people, regardless of team, sport, or location though. In honor of MLB Opening Day 2012, I present these people to you.

The Funny Loudmouth

The funny loudmouth may come with a group of funny loudmouth. These guys are very loyal to their team, but prefer to hang out with the bros over a few drinks. You can hear these guys through the whole section, and they're ALWAYS entertaining. They're funny, rude, and yet are not a pain in the ass to sit by. It's like sitting next to Brent Musburger commentating a game, but unlike Brent Musburger, these guys are funny and are not gigantic douches. Comments usually include "Hey 34, you SUCK!", "Let the kids play, ref!", and "67 looks like he's playing in a pee-wee league!" They encourage interaction, so feel free to join these section leaders.

The Wave Guy

Unless you're stuck in 1999, the wave is stupid. There's always one guy who wants to keep a wave going throughout the entire stadium for the entire game. You can find him easily as he's the guy standing and sitting and shouting like he has Tourette's. He'll get pissed when people don't join him in the wave too, and it can become equally funny and pathetic, so feel free to not participate. No one knows why he's reached the point of his life where creating a wave is a huge success, but he's annoying and a loser. Throw a nacho at him for me.

The Drunk Guy

With sports comes boozing. There's always a handful of drunk guys spread across the building, and they can bring some interesting consequences. The drunk guy always is sloppy and you can tell they're obviously hammered. Sometimes they're hilarious, egging on the funny loudmouth, and harassing the players to the point that they'll give you the finger when they come by your section. Other times, they're obnoxious and annoying. They'll be spilling their drinks everywhere, tripping over everyone, going for bathroom breaks as frequently as a 4th grade girl, and shouting random obscenities. The drunk guy is usually frowned upon, so avoid drinking toooooo much.

The "WOO!" Guy

The "WOO!" guy. Hey, we just scored! WOO! Shit, we just turned the ball over! WOO! Damn, they just scored! WOO! Dude, my dad just died.... WOO! This guy woo's at everything, no matter what. It's like they were raised by wolves as a child. The "WOO!" tends to cut through the rest of the idle chatter, so you can always hear this douchenozzle. Don't tell him to shut up; he'll just "WOO!" at you. Just throw a pretzel or something at him.

The Hardcore Fan

This guy has been to every home game since 1898, has watched all the away games, and has every piece of memorabilia made in the last 48 years. This guy lives, eats, and breathes his team. When you are at a game with him, he's as emotional as a menstruating woman watching a soap opera. When the team scores, he's going to be celebrating harder than a college kid who found out his slampiece is NOT pregnant. When the opposing team scores, or even worse, wins, you should avoid this guy like herpes. He'll be shouting, screaming, cursing, throwing shit, punching babies.... He's a hot mess. If the team loses, he's going to go home and cry in a corner. Hope for the best with your team, because you do NOT want to be around this guy when the team loses.

@CanadaInAmerica