The Dryer Monster
Not to be confused with the Loch Ness Monster or Oprah, the Dryer Monster is a savage and heartless beast. The Dryer Monster is relentless in its consumption of socks. One may wash four socks and take out two. No one knows where they went during that 47-minute spin cycle. The Dryer Monster has claimed many victims and left innocent bystanders wearing tacky, unmatching pairs of socks over their stanky feet. This invincible creation is unknown in its origins, but one thing for certain is that we may never be able to defeat him or even see him in wild sock feast. Avoid this neanderthal like a rabid homeless man.
The Creepy Man Looking Into Your Window
Have you ever looked out your window at night to see a bearded man licking his lips and fingering his belly button while grunting, "get in there nice and deep like" under his breath? That same man may be responsible for the theft of your beloved toe blankets. This man will go through hell and high water to get a whiff of your undies, so what makes you think he won't grab a sock or fourteen? Keep an eye for this rapist weirdo. At first he may just be hiding in closet, but soon he may be taking large steps to get into your sock drawer to sniff your precious toe jam scent.
The Washer-To-Dryer Transfer
This may be the most logical explanation for this unspoken phenomenon. I can't tell you the amount of times I've dropped small articles of clothing when taking them from the washer to the dryer, and for some reason no one knows what happens when a sock is dropped. You might as well have dropped it in the Grand Canyon or Glenn Beck's endless esophagus. Once an article of foot clothing is dropped during the daring transfer, you're never getting it back, so simply accept it, and be wary next time you transfer loads. No sock left behind.
In A Randos Room
It's 2:47am and the bars are closing, just as you are closing the deal with the hot chick whose name you've already forgotten. You take a taxi back to her place, because you've also forgotten your address, you sloppy mess. You arrive at her place and faster than you can say "dryer monster," you're more naked than the day you were born. Fast forward six hours now as you're scrambling to escape her bedroom without her noticing. You get the essentials; pants, underwear, shirt, shoes, sock... wait, where's the other sock!? Who knows, time to get the hell out of here! It is said that 1 in every 23 sock related casualties are from this awful fate. What happened to no sock behind? Get your shit together and keep your clothes accounted for next time you bump an ugly.
Under ________________
I've found socks under beds, desks, clothes, sofas, and even one that was attached to my dogs stomach by static electricity. Crevices underneath anything in your living quarters are sock magnets. How do they end up there? Only Sock God knows. This has dumbfounded college professors and trophy wives for years. The only way to discover them is by doing a routine sock check by inspecting underneath any possible hiding spot for your foot friends. Who cares if it's dusty, smells like a burning tire covered with pubic hair, and was laying next to your dead hamster Pookie? It's nothing a quick wash cycle can't fix... unless you lose it during the washer-to-dryer transfer.
Remember... No sock left behind.
@CanadaInAmerica
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