Funeral Theme Party Ideas

Funerals are never fun. Seeing someone you love laying in a casket while everyone tells stories of how awesome they were can leave the strongest person crying like a kindergartner learning that Santa doesn't exist. Funerals are always too sad, which is why I've decided that when people come to my funeral, they're going to have the time of their life. I can't decide which funeral theme I want to go with though, but here's what's on the table.

Viking Funeral

Who wouldn't want to attend a viking funeral? Here's how this would go down. First off, everyone must arrive with one of those viking hats with the horns on them, because those are badass. The service will include only the most memorable stories of yours truly, followed by a burial at sea. This isn't a traditional burial at sea, though. This would include taking my sexy but also deceased body, putting it on a boat, sending out to open water, and having everyone shoot flaming arrows at the boat until the boat catches fire. Awesome, right!? After that would come the reception. There would be an open bar (duh) that would serve nothing but Heineken and Beck's. There would be a tug-of-war contest in there followed by a jousting competition where EVERYONE is required to participate. Don't think I won't haunt your ass from the grave if you don't participate in the jousting, you disprespectful jerk. When everyone is finally piss drunk, everyone will sit around a bonfire and roast a whole giraffe. Hog roasts are so overdone.

Gangster Funeral

Nothing says "goodbye" like sacrificing some of your champagne on the carpet. This funeral would start with the pole bearers walking my casket into the funeral blaring "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled. After a few nice words from my homies, I'll be laid to rest in the ground with enough gold and Hennessy to fix Greece's financial crisis. My casket is going to made out of pure platinum and will have diamond studs, mind you. Everyone will then swap stories at the reception, how I got shot 14 times as a 7-year-old for calling Wayne Brady a punk bitch, or the time I mistook Shanquala the corner tranny as a 18-year-old dime piece. That last one really damaged my ego. The reception will feature a fountain of malt liquor and will be highlighted by a performance from Rick Ross. Once everyone's too high to function or has been sent to the hospital, the last event will be a dominoes tournament, where the winner has 30 seconds to dig my body up and take as much gold and Hennessy as they can. Sounds pretty baller, right?

Classical Music Funeral

This funeral would actually require an IQ exam before entering, so you had better start hitting the books on 17th century German culture if you expect to be in attendance for this gathering. Assuming you pass the exam, you will be promptly handed a fancy wig and white powder to powder your face. Pale is back in, ladies! The funeral will start with a string quartet playing some stuff. I don't care what they play, I'll be dead at this point, just as long as it's fancy. Everyone will be required to start the overdramatic waterworks at this point. Once a eulogy is said about me using a ridiculous vocabulary that will confuse even the most well-refined scholars, I will simply be buried. Nothing special there. At the reception, we'll be serving cheese trays while discussing the works of Chopin and Great Britain's influence in the South Pacific. If at any point you sound like an idiot, you'll be called out, then promptly tarred and feathered. I wasn't kidding when I said to hit the books. The event will end with a performance of Swan Lake, the ballet. Enjoy!

Rave Funeral

This is by far the most interesting funeral idea out there. Before coming into the building, all of the attendees will spin a wheel which will decide what drug you are on for the day. Lucky you, you hit the bonus peg of the wheel! Here's your PCP laced joint and acid-wrapped ecstacy tablet. Once you digest your substances, three stagehands will bring in my casket, which has appropriately been turned into a 20" subwoofer. Tiesto will bust in the doors and deliver a 2-hour set that'll have everyone jacked up. No eulogy, no kind words of me, just dancing in the chapel and dirty things in the bathrooms. My body/casket/subwoofer will then be taken to the reception which will feature a set by Deadmau5 and Swedish House Mafia. By now the drugs will have fully kicked in, assuming you're not on the floor convulsing at this point. No food, no games, nothing. Just dancing at the reception. Once the DJ's end their set (at 5am), someone will probably try to steal my body/casket/subwoofer. Just let it happen, don't stop them! I won't care too much. 

@CanadaInAmerica