Everyone's heard the stereotype that the only reason senior year exists in college is to drink until your liver tries to blow up inside of you. From a personal experience, it's actually not true at all, and I'm here to dispel this myth once and for all.
"Senior year is easy! You have a light class load and teachers don't care about you since you're about to graduate."
Wrong, you misinformed little turd. Senior year might contain a light class load, but those classes may be the most informative and influential, as they take your education and wrap it up into a 3-times-a-week set of courses with a nice cherry on top. Your senior seminar class may contain information from your previous six semesters, so it's not like you're sitting around pretzel-style listening to the professor read "Clifford The Big Red Dog" books to you. Take your towel and nap somewhere else. This isn't necessarily time to draw your hot professor naked during class, as you may write a novel with the amount of notes you take in the hour you're in the classroom. The class load may be light, but it's definitely not easy.
Hehehehe.... he said "load"
"You just said the class load is light! You have plenty of time to drink then."
Did you not read anything I just typed? Let me reiterate this: light class load does not mean easy classes. During that extra free time, you're writing 16-page thesis papers, researching why gingers don't have souls, and doing other of school work that makes your freshman year look like kindergarten. You'll be juggling enough tasks to take up a nice chunk of your evening hours which will prevent you from vomiting your turkey sandwich from lunch.
"You've been balancing your school work and alcoholism well for three years now. What makes your senior year any different?"
You really don't have a brain in your head, do you? How are you supposed to afford your habitual alcoholism after you graduate? Mom and Pops sure as hell don't want to keep funding you and your bad decisions. Between balancing your school work and other priorities, you're going to be on the job hunt as well. I guess you CAN skip this part of your senior year, but I'll go ahead and let you know that I like my cheeseburgers with only ketchup and my mocha latte made with soy milk. Anyone who actually cares will be adding an internship to their schedule or devoting lots of time researching job markets for their desired position. Unless you want to be working for a fraction of my pay, I suggest you put down the bottle and find a big kid job that will allow you to damage your liver for years to come.
My mom says I can do whatever I want when I grow up, so I decided to suck!
"But.. but... what about the saying 'All second semester seniors drink?' "
Yeah, all the second semester seniors who graduate with a GPA that says "Barely good enough." That's just another stereotype, like all Mexicans have mustaches or all Asians can fly. (PROTIP: I did see an Asian kid fly once, but I'll keep you posted) For every second semester senior devoting their time to Natty Light instead of real life, there's a handful more that actually give a shit and want to do something with their lives. Saying that second semester seniors only drink is like saying The Hangover 2 was better than the original. IT'S JUST NOT TRUE.
"Wow, you sound like a pussy. So you're really no fun once you hit senior year?"
Now, I never said that. Just because you begin the transition from college to real life doesn't mean you can't have fun. In fact, it's a great excuse to actually go out and drink away your sorrows of a long and stressful day. One must learn to balance it though. You can't rage out like you did as an underclassman, but your experience you've mustered the previous three years allows you to go harder than any 18-year-old could dream of. A student is like an OCD kid trapped in a room of non-symmetrical patterns - it become more tolerant over time. Your senior may be at your binge drinking prime, and you shouldn't let that go to waste. However, balancing your liver and your livelihood is more important than drinking the cocky freshman under the table. That really shouldn't be an issue anyway.
Senior year is fun, but it's the first step into the awful place they call "The Real World." If you thought the MTV show of the same name was awful, then you haven't had a dose of the real stuff yet. You have to grow up and put down the bottle, which hopefully is a concept young professionals can grasp. Save the liter of Jim Beam until you leave school with your degree - you'll have earned it at that point.
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