Rule #1: If you're a guy, bring at least one girl for every guy you bring. If you're a girl, bring more girls.
Nothing screams "having a good time" more than a good 'ol fashioned sausage fest. Seriously, I don't care how chill your 43 friends from high school are, don't bring them unless you are pulling 43 girls. As a male, I hate to admit it, but girls really are the life of the party. Without them, guys tend to drink themselves into an oblivion, and that's when shit gets broken and feelings get hurt. The guys you typically bring are douchey anyway, that's why they probably weren't invited in the first place, which leads me to my next point.
Rule #2: Don't crash a party unless you either know the host, were invited, or are planning on talking to the host.
I hate it when random kids walk into a random house looking for a random good time. We all understand that people just want to meet other people, but learn some etiquette! We all understand we have to eat but it doesn't mean we can plow our face into our meals and eat it like a dog eating out of a dog bowl. The one exception to this rule is if you plan on finding the host of the shindig, introducing yourself, and asking if it's cool if you stay there. More often than not, you'll receive an overwhelming "Eh, sure" from the host, and all of a sudden you're not a rando douche. EVERYBODY WINS. Remember not to walk in with 69 dudes though. Not only will you look like a tool, but the host will probably laugh in your face.
Rule #3: Don't be THAT guy.
If you're looking to go out and have a good time, go for it. But don't leave your house drunk enough to the point where you have to hold onto the grass or else you'll fall off the earth. Leaving the house like a drunken cyclone ready to hit a party will ensure one of three things.
1) You will get your ass beat for doing/saying/touching something wrong.
2) You'll throw up on someone. If you throw up on the wrong person, see above.
3) You'll pass out in a random location and wake up without a wallet, cell phone, dignity, or shoes, and/or have Sharpie dicks all over your face.
Seriously, this is a no-no. Don't be the guy who puts his hand in hot water, only to yank it out and test the water again in 5 seconds. Dumbass.
Rule #4: Don't be the chick taking too many pictures.
This is directed to the lovely ladies, because if you're a guy taking too many pictures at a party, you should probably just go home and turn on some Redtube instead. Nobody likes the girl who stands in the corner and stalks her pray for a picture. This isn't the Amazon of profile pictures, it's a social gathering where you're supposed to meet other people. No one will care when you upload 154 pictures from last night with you making the duck face next to 154 different people. In fact, you'll probably never be allowed at another social function ever again, so knock it off.
Rule #5: Don't come to the party ready to start a fight.
You know who you are. You leave the house wanting nothing more than to engage in fisticuffs. Here's the thing with your flawed and socially awkward logic: you're going to a house where the host obviously has a lot of their friends there to back each other up should someone get in a fight. That being said, going to a party to start a fight is like walking into Harlem with a KKK uniform on; you're going to get your ass beat and no one will shed a tear. They may even laugh, actually. Stay home and punch holes in walls or something, weirdo.
Rule #6: Powder your nose and meet up with Mary Jane somewhere else.
Look, no one really cares what your substance of choice is, but at a party, alcohol is the substance that evening. That being said, don't bring other stuff to a party that you know is either unwelcome or will get you in trouble. (Potentially see #1 above) It's risky enough hosting a get-together as it is, and we don't need to add class 2 substances to the picture. Don't find a room to smoke in without permission, don't do coke in the bathroom, and definitely don't shoot up while spitting game to that dimepiece. Those are all recipes for disaster that will not end well. Come to drink and be merry, not to stare at the ceiling for two hours debating why Phish is so much better than Rush.
These are only a few of the basic rules that everyone should know about parties, regardless of your age or grade. The rest of the rules... well, you're going to have to find out about them on your own. It wouldn't be fun for us professionals to see you newbies not make an ass of yourself every once in a while now, would it?
@CanadaInAmerica and guest contributer @dylan_helber
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